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Open Letter:
I have decided after deep consideration to enter hunger strike in protest of how I, a Transgender Woman and others like me, are being treated by the medical system here in Ireland.
My story is a long one, but a rundown is that I came out at the age of 45 in July 2017. It took me that time because of several factors, I grew up in the 1970’s and 80’s for one when even being gay was outlawed, attitudes within society another, the poor treatment by our health service an ongoing one, the fact that I had children and was a single parent for the majority of my adult life, these are but to name a few.
I always knew I was female, from an early age. Never more so than when I went to primary school, an all-boys school with me a little Transgender Girl in among the chaos of the boys. I spent 6 long years of being beaten and bullied by students and teachers alike, day in day out without fail. I was left frightened, I dug down deep to try and hide myself, Rachel. I found it hard to learn so I taught myself how to read and write at home. I was scared mentally and still am physically.
As I grew older life got harder for me within my own self. I always felt scared, alone and somehow deformed. I thought a lot about suicide from around the age of 9. At the age of 14 I found out about a woman like me in an article I read, about her transition, her feelings and her struggles. I promised myself that I would one day make that change too. Until I read that wee article, I thought I was the only person in the world who felt the way I did, that was 1985. But as I mentioned other things happened and I tried to make the best of my life, I forced myself to live a lie.
I have carried around a profound sense of sadness, hopelessness and hurt, all throughout my life and by the age of 45 I simply could not take it, it was either “Woman up” or take my own life. So, after a long search as to what to do, I went onto the gender clinic’s list in October 2017. I waited 2 years on the gender clinics list only to be told in November 2019, that I along with over 100 other Trans-folk, were mysteriously lost from the list, we were put on other lists e.g. obesity, kidney function etc. this was one of several reasons I have been given.
After 3 years of waiting, I was seen in early September this year. I was questioned about many things unrelated to being Transgender, for example, “What the occupation of my friend at school’s Father was????? “How did I feel about having wet dreams when a child*, something I had not mentioned about nor feel like has anything to do with me being Transgender.
According to the U.N, W.H.O and the E.U trans-related and gender diverse identities are not conditions of mental ill health and classifying them as such can cause enormous stigma. The kind of questioning that us the trans community get is deemed, unnecessary, invasive and unacceptable by the U.N, the E.U and the W.H.O, yet Ireland still uses an outdated and dangerous model of care. I will leave relevant links below. I was also grilled about the cup size of my bra and what size my breasts are, which made me very un-nerved. I left the place feeling sexually violated and to be honest, it just all felt so wrong. This is just my opinion and how I felt, maybe this questioning is acceptable to some but I am not comfortable with it. It was supposed to be a standard “3 hour” session, it took 4 hours, and I was informed by the male psychiatrist that next time we would talk about the sex stuff, I felt as though he sneered at me as he did this, but maybe that is just his mannerism!
I had been self-medicating since April of 2018 and my GP at the time was fully aware of this as was the gender clinic, but they did nothing, not even my bloods. In May 2020 I went private with an organisation of health professionals from the UK who only deal with Transgender patients, although this has been and is at great expense and as my weekly income is €203, I have been living in consistent poverty for 3 years now. I have a diagnosis from the U.K but it will not be accepted here for some reason. I changed my name by deed-poll in March 2019 and have my gender recognition cert since March 2019 also. I would have gotten this on day one, but it took me a while to save up to do so. Along with all of this I have been getting both Laser and electrolysis on my face, both painful procedures that too come with costs.
I get a legit prescription from the UK and that is brilliant, but I am having trouble getting Oestrogen patches, so I had my script changed to gel as I was told by my Pharmacy that they are easier to get. I went to get them today 14th Dec 2020 and they said they only had the patches and would not give me my supply, they gave me a half weeks’ worth to see me through, but to where, 3 days that’s where. It was simpler for me to buy my HRT over the internet on the black-market. And less stressful. Last time they only gave me half the script, so I had to get the rest off the internet like I always have had to do. I am getting minimum care and I have exhausted all other routes here, hence my drastic action. HRT is a lifesaving drug for a Transgender Woman, it is dangerous to even take a week or two off them and to stop totally would be a disaster, a death sentence. Procuring medication has become a full-time job, and an incredibly stressful one at that. I have not missed one day since the 24th of April 2018 without taking my Hormones, even when I was gravely ill a couple of months back. The stress has gotten so bad that I have developed a tumour on my adrenal gland, the gland that controls stress hormones. I have also suffered at times from extreme anxiety so much so that I get violently ill and sadly my teeth have been destroyed from the acid.
My life is not all doom and gloom however, I have the love and support of my Family, friends and the wider community, and Ireland as a people are truly kind and accepting bunch, thank you. And since I took control of my own life and transitioned and especially with my hormone therapy, my life has bloomed, I feel grounded, happy, at peace and Me, Rachel, not the fake stranger I once felt like I had to pretend to be for everyone else. I love my dresses and handbags and heels, and I will never wear jeans or trouser again period. I cannot go up the town without my eyeliner or nails done, I would feel naked and wrong without them. I have big dreams for a white wedding, I get broody around babies, I keep a keen eye out for a good drying day because I love to see a full line of clothes. I am a Woman through and through and I only wish I could have been treated with kindness, help and respect from our HSE, but I have only met barriers and gatekeeping. Ireland has a long list of shameful acts pressed upon certain groups of people in our society, Women, Children, Travelers, Gay Folk, the Poor and the Trans Community, we are all still being made suffer.
I have had enough, and therefore I do what I do, I love my life, I love my children, but I am not able to go through 2021 like I have been this past 3 years regards medication, my head is wrecked. If you can at all help that would be much welcomed. I do not want to die but I MUST stand up for my rights as best I can, and as I said before if I cannot continue to access these medications then my life is under threat anyway. Our healthcare should be a GP led service, our GP’s prescribe HRT to Women every day for the menopause, to balance their hormone levels, much the same as for a Trans Woman. Trans people are experts in endocrinology and are very aware of what hormones are about, we must be because many of us self-medicate and have research these matters extensively.
We are the best people to ask how we should be treated and what we need prescribed.
My Demands:
I want full bodily autonomy and informed consent care. No more of the transphobic assessments that do more damage than any good. And if I need it a full diagnosis.
I fully expect to be cared for here in Ireland on my medical card without fail, barriers, gatekeeping or delay and to be put at the top of the list for gender reassignment surgery.
I DO NOT want to be “cared for “or have anything to do with the gender clinic, instead I would like for my G.P <names deducted>, Endocrinologist at <clinic deducted> to take over my care, provided that I am on the same or similar amounts of the medication I am on at present as that is working fine, and I would need a written guarantee that this would be upheld for all my life.
I would also like to be given government intervention regards my English birth cert. I have tried in the past to get help from <name deducted> but never heard anything back, that is 2 years ago. Although I was born in England my Mother and Father are Irish and I have lived here in Ireland since 1975 and am and have always been an Irish Citizen. I want my birth cert changed regards Gender and Name. I have contacted the British Government about this and was informed that I would have to move to the U.K and go through their, equally decrepit health system and then maybe I would be granted a new cert. I am an Irish Woman. I burnt my old cert. I have none, I will not allow any power foreign or domestic to decide and tell me who I am. That belongs to me and to me alone.
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